Peg Life Vol. 4

I'm going to start this one off with some stuff that happened over the past week but later I'll be getting into a more specific and interesting topic so stay tuned. Three days ago I had the pleasure of witnessing two of my favourite vocalists and their respective bands deliver explosions of rock awesomeness to thousands of young Winnipeggers. Together with Maynard James Keenan (who I've been fortunate enough to see perform twice [albeit not in his greatest incarnation as the frontman of Tool]), Serj Tankian of System of a Down and Cedric Bixler of The Mars Volta (formerly of At the Drive-In) comprise the penultimate triumvirate of rock singers. Such a statement is likely to provoke disagreement punctuated by indignation at what I am about to say. One could argue that Mike Patton is a required entry on any list of greatest rock vocalists no matter the length. While there may be some truth to this I really don't care. Mike Patton does not make my list. Axl Rose comes up but then quickly descends when everybody realizes that he hasn't been relevant in at least fifteen years. Robert Plant's time is way past over. Ditto Ozzy Osbourne. A case could be made for Chino Moreno and I'd be tempted to agree. However, it is a triad and unfortunately he comes in fourth. Lemmy Kilminster defnitely has a badass factor that's hard to ignore, but he's certainly not the better singer. Eddie Vedder, Kurt Cobain, and Chris Cornell could all suck my dick and they still wouldn't make my top three. The only real competition would come from Karen O. And if she sucked my dick I'd make it quaternary just to fit her in. Well I was going to write something about the Good Friday Experiment but I went longer than I figured I would so maybe I'll just leave it at that. Tell you what. If anybody wants to know what the Good Friday Experiment is without having to look it up, just send me a reply to this. Any reply at all. If anyone does I'll make it the subject of volume five. In the meantime I'll leave you with a short excerpt from an MSN conversation I had with Joe that contains an awesomely clever (if I do say so myself) burn. Enjoy.
Joe: i should have made my move
Joe: i saw how she looked at me
Joe: she always looked at my bulge
Me: too bad she didn't look a little farther down. she could have seen your penis
And that's all for this week. Tune in next time for more adventures in post-modernism with your host:

Tony Hawkins facing dead dogs on a barbecue grill